Can you rule yourself?

Alright

My Com just got back to work. Crashed due to some downloads. I think i might get a New MacBook Pro Soon. Alright, back to my last posts, I say i will post my goals here. And here they are:

Long Term:

1) Financially Free by 28 - own car own house..

2) 1st mil by 25

3) Own apartment by 25

4) A personal car before 22

5) Married by 25

6) My Own Company By 26

Short Term:

1) Improve Myself in terms of:

- Communication

- Confidence

- Speaking

- Personal Grooming

- Motivation

- Presentation

- Financial IQ...

2) Pay for my parents, for a holiday trip- $8000..

3) Open up my Social Circle

Alright. These are my main goals. Some people may think Im dreaming, talk big only. Yes, It may seems Im really dreaming!!. But at least I dream!. People who dont dream will have NIGHTMARES.

Sometimes, What you target in your goals may not come true, but at least, you are nearer to it!. If you dont set goals, and work towards your goals, YOU will never get NEAR to it, but in fact, you are drifting further away from your goals!!

Another thing is about ACTION!. I think alot of people have heard this word ACTION ACTION everyday in their lives. From their Teachers, Parents, Brothers, Seminars.etc, but HOW many people are really taking action?. They know!! but why they are not doing IT?.

Just like i tell a fat guy:

'' You should watch your diet! Do not eat oily food or late suppers!!''

He will reply '' Yes, I know I know..''

Then, when he walk past Old Chang Kee, or some pastry shops, he will stop buy to buy some snacks to eat. THEN, when his parents bought some supper back home after dinner, He will have his share. After eating, He will tell himself, '' Shit, should not have eaten them.''

This happens to alot ALOT of people. Just like you know you got to study for your exams, and not slack. In the end, they slack, and give reasons like '' I need to relax, my brain jammed, alot of things to remember, brain canot absorb..'' to cover themselves. In the end when results come, They Tell themselves : '' I should have studied more, I should not have slacked so much, I should have practised more 10 yr series, I should have.. I should have..''

One Answer to all questions:

Humans are ruled by emotions , not logic.

And again, when people know humans are ruled by emotions, They continue to let emotions rule them. They dunno how to Control their EMOTIONS!

If you want average results, do what average people do. If you want to get excellent results, do what top students do. If you want to be poor, do what poor people do. If you want to get average pay, do what average people do. If you want to get what middle-income earners get, do what middle-income earners do. If you want to be rich, DO what the RICH do. If you want to get SUPER-RICH( e.g. Bill Gates, Warren Buffett), do what the Super-Rich do!

These few days while Im saying all these, Some people come and tell me, Im being Psychoed!. I Keep thinking of getting rich, Keep thinking of earning big money, Keep thinking of What What What..

So My Answer to them:

AT LEAST, Im being Psychoed to be RICH. YEs RICH. And I will be rich one day.

TO me, Being RICh is a possibility, but to most people, being rich is not possible. They rather use reasons like '' play safe, get steady job, have a family can alr, dun think so far, money is the root of all evil..'' to cover their poverty.

As you know, NOthing is steady in this world now, 158yr old bank also collapse. Put money in bank, Bank Dun wan to return you. What is steady now?. People say gahmen jobs alot of bonuses, and somehow like 'metal rice bowl', but yesterday news just said Bonuses for Civil Servants are being reviewed, due to drop in GDP, and they may not even get bonuses if economy does not improve.

So, make the correct decision before its too late.

Last buy not least,

Take ACTION.

Questions for thoughts!

On Saturday, I learn alot of things. I think they are just too much to be shared all here. However, I got somethings for you guys to think about...

1) What is your opinion of Selling?

2) Do you know that We are all born salesman?

3) Do you know God is a Salesman?

4) Do you know What are the BIG 3 Important Rules of a Successful Business?

5) Do you know the Difference between a scientist and a professor?

6) Do you know the REAL reason Why people study in University?

7) Do you know What is the ONE thing that a university graduate who earns $2500/month has, that a self-made millionaire of no tertiary education does not have?

8) Do you understand fully How the sub-prime crisis comes about?

9) Do you know Why some people can move thousands or even millions of people, just with their Words?

10) Do you know the 3 MOST Important Factors that made somebody so Successful in whatever they do?

11) Do you know the 3 Powerful tools in any business?

12) Do you know What are the 3 sought after Professions?

13) Do you know What are the things that Schools / Universities teach and DO NOT teach?

14) Do you know Why Books are so Important?

15) Do you know What really makes a person Rich?

Hmmm..15 questions.

Actually there are more, i just cant think of them now.

Anyone who know the answer, keep it to youself. However, if anyone wanna ask me the real answer, come forward and ask me personally:) I will tell you personally :)

If you never ask, you never know:)

These are just some food for thoughts. If you are interested to learn more, Come forward and ask me out, so we can talk abt it over a meal:)

Alright. I will post my goals in my next post!

My Ah ma...part 4

My grandma used to tell us 3 brothers, not to fight, not to fight, give way to each other. I think she had said at least a million times, when she onced bathed us when we were babies, till we become old enough to think, when my big bro go army, when i enter jc..

She bought my 1st leather wallet, my 1st bicycle, my 1st gameboy, my 1st gameboy light,my 1st gamboy colour, my 1st digimon, 2nd digimon when it was stolen, my 1st tamiya car, my 1st pro-yo, and alot more...

Whenever i visit her, she will ask if i had eaten. If not, she will quickly cook up some dish to fill up my stomach. She can really cook up anything. Give her some flour, water, and she can fry a kueh for afternoon supper. Whenever she had finished cooking the dinner, she will always call us to eat, n not to wait any longer. When we always say ' dan dan (wait)' , she will wait a while, maybe after 5 min, will call us to eat again. I missed that.

When we say wait again, she will be frustrated, and nag at us for not eating, n letting the food cold is not nice to eat alr. Then, we will only start eating, and ah ma will fill our plates with lots of food, and tell us to eat bao bao. After Dinner, she will bring out watermelons, or cut fruits.

After that, she will again bring out snack like biscuits, crackers to us. The thing is, she doesnt want to eat all these fruits and crackers, and always says she does not have strong teeth. However,we can see that she just want us to eat, n not get hungry overnight. n Tats why u see us 3 brothers become so tall, big sized.

We were all fed by our ah ma when we grow up. All 3 of us went to TAF clubs from pri school days. I went in from P2 till sec 4. HAHA. 8 yrs. LOL. Cant lose weight?. yea. My ah ma food is just too nice to control. They are not oily or fried stuffs. Its just tat i eat alot more for each dish.

Sometimes I wonder, why ppl say small kids dun like to eat vege, or they got the bad habit of not eating dinner. From wat i perceive, its not tat they dun like vege, or not eating dinner, is that the vege doesnt taste nice, or the food is just not nice. In order words, We 3 are just very fortunate tat ah ma fed us up, till we are bigger and taller than her.

When im in my pri sch days, ah ma used to fetch me from sch, if i have violin lessons tat day. She will meet me in my school canteen. Remember, that time not everybody got a phone. However, i still managed to find my ahma, and she still managed to find me everytime she say she will meet me.

SHe will carry my violin down for me, and has already prepared my lunch. It is contained in a metal food container, usually fishball noodles or porridge. Its just taste very nice. I will always eat so fast tat ah ma wil ask me to slow down. EAt slowly, no need to rush.

After eating, she will bring me to my violin class, and tell me not to run away, when class end. She will sit outside n wait for me. After my lesson, i will always run to ah ma, and she will bring me home. She would have a bao for me then, to ask if im hungry. It will usually be chao shao bao, or meat bao.

Every Chinese New Year eve, without fail, i will stay over at ah ma hse, will help her wash the kitchen, the living room, the corridors. I will help her decorate the house, prepare sweets, puttng them into containers, open up packets of drinks to get ready to serve relatives the next day.

She will then wake up very early in the morning, to get ready the food, especially, Red Dates Soup ( Ang zo Teh). That's just superb. It used Charcoal to cook. All the ang bao she give, doesnt come with ang bao. ''??". meaning she just give us cash, n say she just want us to listen to her, n not to argue among each other.

When all the relatives come, she is very happy. She always makes sure she serves them to the best, and will never go home hungry. And This year, only this year, 2008, due to stupid deployment in apd, i cant celebrate my 1st day of chinese new year. However, i still managed to stay ah ma hse the whole day on the 2nd day.

Alot of people console me, by saying she has gone to a better place. True, she has gone to a better place. She doesnt have to suffer the pain of being a stroke patient, she doesnt have to take further medication. She doesnt have to wake up early to do chores. She left with everything in the house still intact, including the wok she used to cook for almost 40 years, the coffee maker she used for 20+ years, the chairs she sat on the day she stayed in hdb(1978), and alot more things.One thing i can say, She left with a smile. She did not smile, even once, when she was in the hospital. However, SHE Smiled on the day She left us.

Ah ma, I will always remember you, always. You have successfully fed us 3 brothers up, and you have done more than being a grandma. You guide us. You teach us. You never scold us. Sometimes, you rather see us be happy, than you yourself are.

You rather let us enjoy the good food before you try. You never let us do the chores, as you want us to relax, but sometimes we still insisit. You never let us go hungry. You tell us, not to complain how messy our home is, as it is fortunate that we got a house to live in. You tell us, not to fight, or argue with each other, and always tell us to give in to each other.

You tell us not to argue or be fussy over small things. If others want to have it, let them have it. You tell us not to worry about exams, as Ah Gong will bless us, and will make sure we do well. You tell me not to worry about your driving test day, as Ah gong will make sure I pass. True enough, I pass, despite nearly meeting an accident.

My 1st dream after getting my license, is to drive to Your house, and fetch you, to come over to my house to have dinner. I made it. My 2nd dream, is to ask you to attend my wedding, and let you be a Great Grandma. I did not managed to do it.

Ah ma, rest in peace. I will always, always, remember you.

My Ah ma...part 3

Reference to last post, I spoke about the funeral being held for 5 days.

Yea. Its there for 5 days, and my parents and the uncles and aunts took turns to stay till dawn to look after ahma. I stayed once, and I did not feel tired, until 6 am. Its alright, as i have stayed throughout the night during my night shifts.

Every day, Every night, there would be visitors coming over to see ah ma. At one time, ah ma longtime friend of almost 60 years came. 60 years!! At first, she saw a funeral wake at blk 33, she thought it couldnt be my ah ma, since my ah ma lives at blk31. Due to lack of space , then we move to blk 33.

She walked into the wake, and looked around for any familiar faces. She saw my cousin, and my big bro, and this has somehow confirmed her worry that the person in the coffin is my ahma, her friend of 60 years. She walked closer and closer, to the altar, and when she saw my ah ma photo, she was dumbfounded and was rooted to the spot. She stood there, as she could not believe that the person lying in the coffin is my ah ma, and her best friend.

It was just too shocking and unbelievable for her. She sat down and had a chat with my big bro. My bro explained everything to her and she was sad when she heard what actually happened to my ahma. She broke down in tears. She came every night then, with teary eyes, every time she saw ahma's photo.

I can confidently say that almost 80% of the whole block of 31, Bedok South Ave 2 know my ahma, and almost 50% of the people in market and the stall owners in the bedok market know my ah ma too. Yes. My ah ma has alot of friends, and she has made alot of friends.

Everywhere in the market. I remembered in my primary school days, i used to stay on sat nights to accompany ah ma to the market on sun morning. Wherever she walked, she would stop and greet her friends. Along the way to the market, people would greet her and she would smile back to them.

When she reached the market, she would be greeted by her group of friends sitting down chatting. She would den introduce me to her friends, and her friends will flatter my ahma as her grandson is growing up. They would also joke with her, and say me, the grandson, so helpful, go to market to help ahma carry groceries.

My ah ma would chat with them for a while, den proceed to buy breakfast n groceries to cook for dinner that night. She would always worry abt my breakfast 1st. After buying breakfast, she would go inside the wet market to buy groceries. Every stall she patronise, the owner is my ahma friends. Yes. EVERY!. When she buy fishcake, as i like to eat, the fishcake uncle will treat me with 1 free fishcake, which i eat on the spot.

When she buy fishballs, the owner gave her extra. When she buy vege noodles, she does not have to queue, as the lady boss is her friend. and SEE!. my ah ma got such a great network of friends. And, i always feel flattered whenever i walked with ahma, as every of her friends will praise me.

One great moment that i enjoyed with ahma on our way to the market. When we walked to the market, we will walk past a fitness corner. The fitness corner will have the ' Stones' which are for u to step on. I brought ah ma there, as tat can help blood circulation to the body, but it will be a bit painful while stepping on the stones.

When ahma 1st tried, she walked with her slippers on, cos she say its painful. But i tell her '' Cannot!!, like tat not pain!.. must feel the pain den good!''

Then my ahma slowly took off her slippers, and i helped her carry tat. We then walked through the stones together, n i held my grandma to help her finish the stone trail. After completing the trail, my ah ma will show a face of pain, and she will ' wah!'. Then, i would ask her, '' ah ma SOng bo?.'' Then she will laugh and say '' SOnG song!'' She wore back the slippers and continue our way to the market.

During the funeral's days, I walked past this fitness corner, and it really bring back the great and loving memories i have with ah ma. The feeling was so strong, that i can remember the moments i played with ah ma, our funny expressions while walking on the stones. I'm feeling a sense of loss when i walked through the stone trail. I really want my ah ma to come back.

Whenever neighbours came to the wake, they will say the same great things about ahma, and with the same reaction when they heard abt what happend to ah ma. They would say:

'' your ah ma is a very friendly person''

''almost all the ppl in the block noe her''

''I saw her almost everymorning when i go to market''

'' She is a very hardworking person. I always saw her with 2 hands full of stuffs, and carrying them

all the way home''

'' She can run 2 markets every morning''

'' She is a very strong person''

'' Her cooking is very good''

'' She dotes on her grandsons very much''

''Your ah ma used to buy us food while we are gambling''

''your ah ma is a kind person''

'' your ah ma works alot. Back in the kampong days, she used to wake up early in the morning, to fetch 2 big pails of water''

.

...

there are just too many words to describe my ah ma alr. Too many.

Its late. I will follow up in the next post.

My Ah ma...part 2

Alright. I think this post got to be a super long one. If I cant end it, it will continue in the next post.

These few weeks have been a difficult week for me, and I can say it is the worst week that I could ever had, one that i would never want it to come, one that I would give up everything for it not to come. But it came.

My last post, 21 sept 2008, my grandma is still struggling with stroke. From day 1, I have visited her every day after my work, boarding bus from airport and take the train to outram, SGH. Everytime i went there, I just hope that the ECG ( electorcardiogram) is responding, the heartbeat and blood pressure are in the healthy range.

I would then heaved a sigh of relieve. I would then go over to her bedside, call 'Ah ma!, ding neng lai liao!!', hoping that she would respond. I would held her hands tight and give her warmth. I would try to massage her toes, to improve bloodflow, so in anycase she got to walk again in the future, it would be easier for her.

I would massage her thighs and muscles, to keep them warm. I would tell her not to worry, everything is fine, and you can go home a few days later. I would make your favourite coffee, cook your favourite mixed vegetable, fried fish, and anything you want.

Every evening I came, I did all those things, and also asked the nurse to take special care of you. I also hoped for the doctor to say something good about your health. The days are long, and every call or sms i receive, i received it with fear and anxiety. Everytime i open the inbox, I just hoped its not from my mum or my big bro, or if from them, it must be something positive.

on 25/9 evening, I came to visit you. I just knew that you had a blood transfusion in the morning, due to a loss of blood. The medicine, aspirin, that was given to reduce the swollen of the brain, has caused the thining of stomach wall, causing the wall to tear, and bleeding within the stomach.

The doctor discovered it the previous night, when the nurses changed the diapers. Blood was collected in the diapers, and blood was also immediately given to supplement the loss. The good side is that the swelling of the brain has stopped.

However, i realised that your heart is beating at an uneasy rate, beating ard 100-110. I saw you breathing in and out profusely, with lips flipping in and outwards. I sensed something must be wrong, and I asked the nurse. The nurse told me, it's a normal sign, as patient has just been give blood transfusion, and blood is just pumping faster to transport blood to other parts of the body.

Quite logical. Problem is, blood transfusion was given in the morning, and by the nurse, the heart rate is the same(100-110) since morning, till then (8pm) when i visit you. The nurse asked me not to worry, as they have given you medicine to bring down the beat rate. I then decided to leave alr, and hoped everything would be back to normal the next day. That was also the day, the only day, I did not massage your hand, fingers, toes, thighs, as blood vessels were connected to your body parts due to the transfusion.

I left with a heavy heart, as i think that something must be wrong with the increasing heart rate, even though the nurse says its normal. I just prayed that everything will be alright. Little did I know, that was the last time I entered and left SGH.

Early morning at 6am, 26/9/2008, my mum and dad all woke up and started getting ready to go out. It puzzled me, but i did not think too much. Then my big bro called me, and said that SGH on-call doctor called him, and told him that Ah Ma's heart was beating at 150-160!!, and it has been beating for almost the whole night!!!. It's equivalent to sprinting 100m race continuously for almost 6 hrs!.

From what I know, normal person heartbeat is between 70-80, and elderly at ard 60-70. Vigorous exercises may increase heartbeat. However, my Ah Ma is lying on the bed!! Why the heart is beating so fast then? When my brother called me, I'm very worried that something is wrong, and he was waiting for my mum n dad to fetch him up at ahma's hse, and proceed to SGH.

I'm just as worried, but i did not follow them. With heart pumping at 110-120 the night before, I could see how hard her breathing is, with her heart moving up and down, lips flipping due to the rush of air in and out of the mouth. At 150-160, i just could't imagine how she is reacting to the abnormal heart beat.

I stayed on the bed, while my parents and big bro rushed to SGH. Then, my phone sounded. 1 message received. It's the message that from day 3 (the day ah ma got stroke), till then ,

I DID NOT WANT TO SEE!!.. When i opened the message, it read:

'' ah ma passed away at 7am..''

I jumped out of the bed immediately, and shouted ' AH MA!!!!!!'. I gave a call to my big bro. i heard him weeping. He said they were caught in the morning jam, and doc had called them to inform them ah ma has stopped breathing at 7am.

When my big bro reached her bedside, she was not moving already, but there was a smile on her face. Yes, a smile. When he touched her hands, they were cold. No one was beside her when she left. We were told, that means ah ma dun wan us to see her leave, as she doesnt want us to worry. She left with a smile, which means an end to the suffering she has endured these 9 days......

They stayed to do the documentation and follow up. I sat in front of tv, switched off. What went through my mind was all the memories i had with ah ma, if calculated, it's just ' infinite' GB. My memories with Ah Ma were never ending, and I would say, Priceless. It's just too much, too many things, from the day i was born till the last day i heard her say the last words.

I dragged out a bag full of photo albums, and started looking for ah ma. I just couldn't hold back my tears when i saw her carrying the 3 of us, when we were still young, and when ah gong is still around.

It's just too overwhelming for me to take. I applied for emergency leave immediately, to request to see my ah ma again. I packed up, and went to ah ma hse. Memories just flow through my mind ceaselessly. I just couldn't imagine the world w/o ah ma.

When i reached ah ma hse, my dad was at the void deck. I asked where's ah ma's body. He said it's with the casket ppl, and they would bring her back in the afternoon. Meanwhile, workers were fixing the backdrop, the tables, chairs, everything that is required for a funeral. Ah ma's funeral was held 1 block away,at 33, as her block,32, does not have enough space for a funeral.

When ah ma's body came back, in a lorry, with her coffin, I was very emotional. It was wrapped and tied in plastic. A ceremony was held to put her body inside the coffin. Before that, they got to dressed up ah ma.

When they opened up the plastic, I saw ah ma. She was dressed in her usual attire that she wore to the market, simple brown old lady clothings with blue pants. From what i knew, that was what my big bro packed in my ahma's bag, and told ah ma to wear that attire when she was discharged from hospital after operation. Little did we know that She didnt walk out with that attire, but being carried out.

The scene was just SOOO sad and solemn , that i couldnt hold back my tears and cried. Needless to say, i think my big bro feels the most, as he was the one who chose ah ma's attire to wear out of hospital. Even though the casket people covered the scene they dressed up ah ma, I could see through from an angle, the smile on her face.

It just made my heart sank even more. A ceremony was then held, and ah ma was placed inside the coffin. The priest told us to say the last few words to ah ma..

Chi : '' ni bao wo ta, wo wui ni lao''

Eng: '' you carry me from young, i feed you till you are old''

Hokk: '' li po wa dua, wa qi li lao''

This is really the time when my heart really sanked into a bottomless pit. A time i cried the most. I time i just couldnt stop my tears. A time I just hoped it's a dream. I walked round her coffin, and saw the smile on her face, with her beautifully dressed up.

I stretched my hand and touched her shoulders, and told her to go peacefully, and not to bring any worries with her, as all of us had grown up, and will now take care of ourselves, and will do what you have always told us to do last time. We will live by your values you have taught us from young, and not disappoint you.

Coffin was then closed and nailed. We were told to turn back n not to see while the people nailed the coffin. Anyway, it's just a painful process. The funeral was held for 5 days.

Alright. I know this post is very emotional, and it also took me great pains to write out everything i remembered. I knew there are some more things which i can left out, as there are way too many things. I will continue in the next post.

Till then, see ya.